Kraken

Kraken

Your beak does not squawk
Under the sea you break crabs
and old sailor's hearts


So when I had this haiku up on my white board, a co-worker asked as he pointed at the words, “It breaks crabs?” I said, “Yeah, it breaks crabs!” very tersely. It breaks really big crabs. All right, it probably doesn’t break crabs at all because it’s so terribly enormous, but the notion of this massive many-tentacled beastie gingerly picking up crabs and smiting the carapaces off them brings me much joy. Who wants to think of a Kraken capturing a whale and pulling it under to smother? No thank you sir, I shall picture Ole Krakie making a Crab Louie Salad and crushing wayward sailing ships that happen to get in its way. I shall picture him breaking sailor’s hearts—old-timey sailors that have ships and eagles tattooed on their chests and wear striped shirts and white pants long after Labor Day. Not only are the sailor’s hearts broken because they can’t capture and kill the Kraken, but also because he’s destroyed their ship. And their pants are getting wet. And they are wearing colored underwear.