Sitcom

Sitcom

I heard a Sasquatch
He screamed from an inkwell night
Seinfeld was on though...

When I first thought of this haiku, I wanted to use Frasier instead of Seinfeld. I like Frasier, it is a guilty pleasure of mine and I have been waiting for the Hallmark channel to stop playing all the Christmas crap so we can get back to the Frasier-starts-at-9pm schedule. Kelsey Grammer has the voice of a fallen angel and I would gladly follow him into hell to hear him tell me “You have a hideous muffin top in those jeans” in his dulcet tones, but I thought that most people would be more apt to get up and investigate a screaming Sasquatch if Frasier were on rather than Seinfeld. Then I thought even more people would get up to search out the origin of a sudden and sharp, loud cry from a Bigfoot if it was a Niles-centric episode. But people would stay put for man hands, for close talkers, for the summer of George. They would remain in their seats for cutting up a Snickers with a knife and eating it with a fork, for digging up a dead parrot, for “Jimmy likes Elaine” in the third person—even as some sort of North American ape howls from the night. In the end Frasier just didn’t make sense. There’s only so much a limping old man and a couple of fops can do to make people sit and watch, so Seinfeld won. Plus it gives me an excuse to write a whole haiku about Frasier later on. It feels like a win-win to me.