The Ass Crisis

The Ass Crisis

My ass: disappeared

Such a cruel irony

for the curvy girl

What the hell? I have always, always, always been curvy. When curvy was not in, I was curvy. People said, "Oh you're curvy" but I knew they meant something not so polite. Men said, "Oh I like a woman with curves," like I was some exotic creature. Now I've lost a few pounds and my ass has disappeared, my curves have evened out. Well I tell you I won't stand for it. I am going into ass overdrive. I will reclaim my curves. I will design gluteal exercises that use small compliant children as weights. I will eat large quantities of tortilla chips. I will lunge my way to ass greatness! But for now, I think I'll start with the tortilla chips. I still have to figure where to get small compliant children.