The Mummy's Hands

The Mummy's Hands

My hands are shrinking
Desicated twigs scratching
Golden rings spin round

I have hamster hands. This is a known fact. I don't really have too much of an issue with them, because most people think they are pretty. They don't know that I have to wear splints at night to keep them from curling up into their more natural claw-like format. What I noticed today though is that my rings are spinning like mad, so apparently my hands are shrinking. Not in length, I won't have baby hands any time soon, but they seem to be shrinking in girth. I figure about mid July they will look like mummy hands, and I will have to start wearing kid gloves that go up to my elbow, and affix them to my sleeves with safety pins. I may have to start talking in an affected Grey Gardens manner to pull that off. Then in August when my hands and arms no longer work due to the mysterious shrinkation, I will have to hire a small Scottish boy to pose them while I am speaking so I appear more lively than if they were to just lay at my sides. And I don't think the Scottish people are more disposed to this kind of work (forelimb and hand arranger/puppeteer), but I really like the Scottish accent and I would ask the lad to say several words in his brogue. "Duncan Finlay! Say Oklahoma! Say Bananas Foster! Say pee pee kitty!!! Say it damn you, say it!" Then I would command him to rubber band my gin and tonic to my kid-gloved mummy hand and pose me for drinking.