So Totally Not Hoth

 So Totally Not Hoth

He did not know Hoth

Was he raised in a wall safe?

I spun the dial

I recently went out on a date with a guy that didn't know what Hoth was. How do you grow up in America and not know Hoth? If you are reading this right now and you've had to Google Hoth, you need to move to an ice floe and wait for death. Or move to Hoth and wait for death. Not knowing that Hoth is the sixth planet in the star system of the same name that's home to Tauntaun and Wampa is not the sole reason that dude did not make the cut; this guy also told me that the soda I was drinking was way too sugary, that not owning a bike was un-Portlandian, and that he stopped being a stand-up comedian because people were doing drugs in the kitchen at the nightclub where he was performing. Um, hello, people do drugs in kitchens everywhere. Most especially on Hoth.